Life is messy and full of surprises.  At times, the surprises can be pleasant and make us smile.  Other times, surprises can be, well……not so great and possibly overwhelming.  What is important however, is that in order to keep our sanity, and be able to navigate through any surprise (good or bad), we must learn to adjust.

Don’t get me wrong, I certainly do not mean give up or allow anyone or thing to invade who you are or what is important to you.  But, I do believe in learning to be agile, adjusting and move with the flow versus fighting against it.  From my experience, when I focus more on trying to control what is not within my control and spend my time kicking, screaming I end up exhausting myself mentally, accomplish very little and become so overwhelmed emotionally that I can’t deal at all.

As an alternative, I now am practicing (as I am not even close to mastering this yet), the art of learning to control what is within my control – me and my choices.  This adjustment has been incredibly impactful for me because now, I force myself to take a step back to assess the situation differently.  Instead of getting worked up on what is happening, I actively work to focus on what I can do to change my reaction to it and how the situation affects me personally and what options or solutions are there to help me get through it.

Taking that deep breathe and asking myself, ‘why does this bother me?’ and ‘what can I do that is achievable to help me overcome that sense of unease?’.  For example, when the furnace goes out, I could stress myself out and be upset, angry and fret over the situation to the point of making myself sick (physically and mentally), or I can take a moment to ask myself what am I most upset about as a result of the furnace not working.  Is it a desire to make sure my family stays warm if it’s cold outside?  Or is it a concern over the money that it will cost to fix the furnace?

Once I better understand why I’m feeling upset, it’s easier to come up with a plan that is within my control to change the way I’m feeling for the better and put action to resolve the root of the issue.  Even better is that with a plan, I can be more productive versus allowing my own emotions to spiral me down into a tailspin which not only makes me feel worse, but can negatively impact the ones I love.

When these type of situations arise, I won’t lie, it’s incredibly hard to control that emotion and take that step back.  For me, that is the hardest part of the battle – forcing myself to reset, especially once the emotions are already rising.  However, once I am able to refocus myself, I have found that the ‘mental weight’ lifts off and I can breathe again.

So if you choose to give this a try, I wish you the very best of luck and my hope is that you too are able to readjust to find a more calming path to get you through those tough times.

Dream big.  I mean really BIG.  When you have dreams, you have something to work towards and achieve.  Knowing what you want also helps you build your map on how to get there.

Unfortunately, I think sometimes finding the ‘dream’ is the hardest part for everyone.  It’s incredibly easy to get caught up in the day-day. Taking care of the kids, working, cleaning the house, running errands, etc.  Some people, myself included, also have what can be known as ‘shiny ball syndrome’.  Meaning, we get excited about something and quickly, sometimes too quickly actually, before we even scratch the surface, we get excited about something else, which leads to this never-ending circle of achieving very little (or gulp, nothing).

Phew.  That said, time to focus.  For people like me who get easily distracted, I have some advice that has helped me along the way (disclaimer, this is my own experience and I make no promises it will work for you too, but hey why not give it a try anyway?).

Come up with your BIG dreams.  Write them down.  Prioritize them – What do YOU want the most?  What makes YOU happy?  What do YOU enjoy? Once you have your list, tackle ONE dream at a time.  I mean it, stop trying to be the juggler.  Just focus – only one.  And make sure it is the TOP one you listed that means the most.

Now you have your first assignment.  Look at that dream and think about what it will take to get there.  Figure out what the milestones might be to get there and put dates to it.  Now you have structure and a plan to actually achieve what is important to you.  Even better now that you have milestones, you have mini celebrations to help you stay motivated as you cross them off, getting that sense of accomplishment along the way instead of just at the end (hint, this is important!).

Keep in mind, you can’t just make the plan and expect it to be absolute.  Instead, be sure to check on your map often, make tweaks and adjustments as much as necessary, because reality is that as you move through your action plan things will change and so your plan will have to as well.  If you don’t adjust accordingly, your plan has a greater risk of failure which will only make you feel like you’re back in the same day-day circle, never getting anywhere.

Stay focused, adjust course as needed and let this new journey take you to the place you want to be.  And don’t forget to enjoy the ride along the way!

I am once again humbled, blessed and excited to share that I have a new book available!!! 🙂  My third installment of The Casey Boys Adventures is now available on amazon.com.  Here’s a brief overview:

https://read.amazon.com/kp/card?asin=B0762FVP6T&preview=inline&linkCode=kpe&ref_=cm_sw_r_kb_dp_rI7ZzbCENZDZE&tag=lcasey78-20

I hope you enjoy reading this next chapter as much as I enjoyed writing and drawing it out!  Thank you to everyone who continues to support me in this fun ride!

So, I had a realization today….but first, I need to share the backstory to my epiphany.

Every day, and I literally mean every day, I ask my children some variation of this phrase “What was your favorite part of your day today?”.  During school days, it might be something more along the lines of what was your favorite part of school, or on weekends, what was your favorite game today that you played.  Regardless, the spirit of the question is essentially the same and motivated to drive my children to think about their day and what made them happy.

A year or so ago, I used to ask a similar question, “How was your day?”.  Then, I read an article (apologies up front that I can’t recall the author!), that talked about making a change in how she spoke to her kids when she realized asking a similar question of ‘how’, she had some pretty poor and empty responses from her kids (such as the typical ‘meh’ or ‘fine’ or ‘ok’).  It prompted her to reassess the question at which she recognized she wasn’t asking them to actually engage in conversation, she was asking a generic question to which she got a generic response.  That drove her to make the change to ask the more specific question that triggered an action and in turn, hopefully some conversation by simply changing ‘how’ to ‘what’.

The article went on to share that at first it confused her kids and in the beginning didn’t spark quite as much as she’d hoped, but she continued.  When her kids were older, she had developed this bond through communication with her kids at which they divulged more to her and told her how that one question had made such an impact on them and had really helped them think about a happy part of their day, even when she and others didn’t realize their day had not been that great at all.

Inspired by that article, I made the change to start asking my kids the revised version of that question and also make an active point to have dinner with my kids (as many nights as I can with work schedule) at which point I ask them this question.  Right now, I would say I’m not sure it’s driven any drastic results.

However, something interesting happened recently.  The little girl next door that my boys play with all the time typically spends her afternoons/evening at our house playing after school and it’s not unusual for her to join us for dinner.  That first night she stayed for dinner, I included her in the discussion and asked her that same question.  The look on her face told me everything I needed to know.  She showed confused at first then smiled as she gave me her answer (which was lunch that day).  Ever since, I see her light up when I start to take turns asking each of the kids that question and a huge smile crosses her face as she tells me her favorite part of the day.

Even though I don’t yet get that reaction from my own boys, I continue to ask, because the little girl next door’s reaction inspired me that it does make a difference.  And I realize that sometimes, kids don’t always tell you about what’s really going on, so if asking this short, simple question each day can help to instill their minds with something positive that they enjoyed before heading off to bed, I choose to believe it helps them rest easy by being reminded to look for something good so that hopefully they don’t dwell on something that maybe wasn’t as great during their day.

So, that story said, back to my epiphany.  I realized that I do this every day for my children, but it dawned on me, why don’t I ask myself this same question each day?  Could forcing myself to evaluate and apply the same tactic to help me filter through my overloaded mind and crazy days to remind myself what my favorite part of the day was make a difference?  How different will my own mindset become, making this an integral part of my own life?

The choice seems quite simple.  Today I choose to ask myself what my favorite part of my day was.  The answer for today was how my children and dogs greeted me as I pulled into the driveway coming home from work.  They all came running out excited and yelling (and barking ;)) excited to see me, which reminded me just how much I am loved and how much I love them.

Sometimes, all it takes is a small gesture to change the course of your mindset, creating a profound impact that can take you to a whole new mental state.  And surely, that can have a positive domino effect on our overall health and well being – or at least, my belief is it can’t hurt.

So, what was your favorite part of your day today?

Mid life crisis, yearning for more, questioning what life is all about? Well, I’m asking myself all of these things and so far the answer remains. Regardless of which is driving me, at the end of the day, writing is a passion and I’m committed to exploring this path to see where and what it inspires in ME.

I am very proud and excited to share that the second book of my ‘The Casey Boys Adventures’ series has been published!  On this next chapter, join the boys as they explore and create fun new memories with their Mimi and Papa!

Stop by Amazon.com today for your e-book or paperback copy of THE CASEY BOYS ADVENTURES | FUN WITH MIMI & PAPA!

Link to direct purchase as follows:

The Casey Boys Adventures | Fun with Mimi & Papa

https://read.amazon.com/kp/card?asin=B075J8CS89&preview=inline&linkCode=kpe&ref_=cm_sw_r_kb_dp_rlGTzbXP99685&tag=lcasey78-20

Happy reading!!!!

Join me on a new adventure with my first published children’s book! I hope you are able to get a smile from this lighthearted story and that it helps brighten up your child’s (and your’s!) day!