Learning to adjust…..

Life is messy and full of surprises.  At times, the surprises can be pleasant and make us smile.  Other times, surprises can be, well……not so great and possibly overwhelming.  What is important however, is that in order to keep our sanity, and be able to navigate through any surprise (good or bad), we must learn to adjust.

Don’t get me wrong, I certainly do not mean give up or allow anyone or thing to invade who you are or what is important to you.  But, I do believe in learning to be agile, adjusting and move with the flow versus fighting against it.  From my experience, when I focus more on trying to control what is not within my control and spend my time kicking, screaming I end up exhausting myself mentally, accomplish very little and become so overwhelmed emotionally that I can’t deal at all.

As an alternative, I now am practicing (as I am not even close to mastering this yet), the art of learning to control what is within my control – me and my choices.  This adjustment has been incredibly impactful for me because now, I force myself to take a step back to assess the situation differently.  Instead of getting worked up on what is happening, I actively work to focus on what I can do to change my reaction to it and how the situation affects me personally and what options or solutions are there to help me get through it.

Taking that deep breathe and asking myself, ‘why does this bother me?’ and ‘what can I do that is achievable to help me overcome that sense of unease?’.  For example, when the furnace goes out, I could stress myself out and be upset, angry and fret over the situation to the point of making myself sick (physically and mentally), or I can take a moment to ask myself what am I most upset about as a result of the furnace not working.  Is it a desire to make sure my family stays warm if it’s cold outside?  Or is it a concern over the money that it will cost to fix the furnace?

Once I better understand why I’m feeling upset, it’s easier to come up with a plan that is within my control to change the way I’m feeling for the better and put action to resolve the root of the issue.  Even better is that with a plan, I can be more productive versus allowing my own emotions to spiral me down into a tailspin which not only makes me feel worse, but can negatively impact the ones I love.

When these type of situations arise, I won’t lie, it’s incredibly hard to control that emotion and take that step back.  For me, that is the hardest part of the battle – forcing myself to reset, especially once the emotions are already rising.  However, once I am able to refocus myself, I have found that the ‘mental weight’ lifts off and I can breathe again.

So if you choose to give this a try, I wish you the very best of luck and my hope is that you too are able to readjust to find a more calming path to get you through those tough times.